Insignificance

Looking around at the world, consciousness on some level appears to be innate; most living things interact, respond to feedback, have some level of awareness applied to a self and non-self.  Even the planet appears to have a sensitive feedback response system.   Yet when gazing at interstellar objects, the effects of awareness are hard to see.

A meteor has no thought for its trajectory, smashing into whatever lies in its pathway with unthinking force.  Some interactions are at full force and both objects forever changed, some are weak and not much moves.

unhindered potential

The nearest analogy to every day life I can think of is the moment you whack into an open cupboard door (standing up into it seems to be the worst).  Because you don't see the obstruction, there is no thought in your head to hold back the power and soften the blow.  You stand "through it" and the hit is immense, painful, dangerous; it sends you spinning.

People and ideas change us forever

Some people and ideas are like that too.  You probably only need to pause for a second to be able to think of a few people or ideas that sent you spinning on a new course.  Perhaps it was the ideas that those people brought to you.
These entanglements are significant for us.  They can be destructive of past ways, past structures, but even then there is a positivity to them, as they often help us break from things that have become stuck and release the next phase of our short lives.   Characterised by the strength and openness of the interaction, a willingness to speak freely and honestly, whether painful or not, and by strong emotion; whether they then stay with us or not, our lives are forever changed and at some level we are always connected through our histories.


Why are some people like this?   What is it about the entanglement that makes such a difference?

A colleague in our strategy team was with a couple of clients, talking about shared futures, about significant things.  She was a delighted suddenly to hear one say to the other "Ten years ago you sold x side of the business. You know it seems stupid that I have never said this, but why did you do that?"  Ten years of inhibition.  A "why" that was hidden but not lost.   Finally surfacing into the light it can be explored and answered and potential for change arises.  Who knows what happens next, but until that moment of disclosure, change was not possible.

There are many reasons why your "truths" stay hidden inside you.  Only you can know.

Hidden secrets sap energy

Sometimes you hide them from yourself - ignoring that nailed down box of secrets, not even pretending it's not down there - it's just so well hidden that you don't even see it yourself.

Sometimes you know there is something amiss, but it's a mess of feelings and pictures and really hard to put it into words.  It can feel overwhelming, at times, and some are overwhelmed with anxieties and frustrations almost "leaking" out, often over odd and small things.

With a sense of safety and acceptance, both of these stages can be worked through.  But even then, saying in words to yourself a deep and significant truth, that you are hiding from, is a hard thing to do.

Saying it out loud.  Now that's a toughie.  Even on your own in the car with the music right up!  Try it.

Saying it to the right people, without "losing it", in the right way?  No way!  Right?

The problem is, with hidden truths, unspoken fears and unframed anxieties, held fearfully or even unconsciously we lack significance.

Unlike the travelling meteor, arching freely across the skies, living with joy and potential, this process of inhibiting is contagious and all sorts of things are also held back.  Its like, because something has to be said but is locked in, many things get locked up with it, and not even the easy stuff can be said because that way leads to the locked box.

Think about it.  Are you conscious that your fears of disclosure or of pain hold back your power when you need it?   Rather than going for a goal ahead of your end line, bursting through the barrier with all the energy of a mile still to go, you slow up as you approach the key moment, all too conscious of the risks.  Literally all too self conscious so that you self-inhibit and take your power off at the moment it is needed?

Consciousness is such a wonderful energy, faculty, power.  Refined consciousness in humans is seen in many forms - and empathy is one of them, the appreciation for the feelings of others, care for how we affect them.

However, it can also hold back the real you.   Take some time this week and consider all your relating and your relationships, all your roles, all your goals.  Mentally mark up those where you are marking time.   What is it that you need to admit and forgive yourself for?  What needs to be expressed?  What inhibition must you now release to regain your power and move on with living?

My point in this blog is not to encourage a dangerous freedom, nor to a follow any particular polemic.  I have noticed in myself over the years that my desire to lead and to speak has been every day inhibited mainly by stuff which could be dealt with or which was plain nonsense when I worked it through and took the plunge.

My point therefore, is just to say that a life of greater significance is a choice that you have.   The connections may not seem obvious and logical, but by not exploring what is unexpressed and what seems at times inexpressible, are you choosing a less significant life?

It feels right here to finish by saying that when at my best, when I hit my stride, or my "line and length", I am rarely self-conscious.  I need my self-consciousness to point out risks, dangers and be wary of the needs of others.   I have to ensure self-consciousness is "on" for the right reasons, and to check, when it taps me on the shoulder, that it has spotted a genuine risk and not just a ghost.